Have you ever noticed your child becoming withdrawn, irritable, or anxious without apparent reason? Certain parenting habits, though well-intentioned, may be causing unintended harm. Let’s examine five often-overlooked parenting practices that can lead to increased stress and anxiety in children:
1. When Overemphasising Achievement Over Effort
You’re excited to see them succeed, so you focus on the result – winning the game or getting an A+ on the project. You might say things like: “You need to win this game!’ I expect you to get an A+ on this project!’ You’re so bright, I know you can do it!”.
While it’s natural to want your child to succeed, focusing too much on the outcome can create pressure and stress for them. Your child might start to feel like they’re only valued or loved if they achieve the desired result.
Instead, try focusing on the effort they put in, like:
– I can see you’re working hard on this project. Great job!
– I love your persistence in this game, even when it gets tough!
– Your effort and progress are what matter most to me.
Therefore, when you emphasise effort over achievement, you help your child understand that it’s okay to make mistakes, learn from them, and enjoy the process.
2. Being Overly Controlling
Imagine you’re holding your child’s hand so tightly that they can’t move or make a step without you. That’s what being overly controlling feels like to them. Instead, try giving your child space to breathe, make choices, and learn from their mistakes. Guide them, but also let them take the reins sometimes. This will help them develop self-confidence, self-reliance, and essential life skills.
Examples of some of these controls are:
– Constantly telling them what to do, how, and when to do it.
– Not allowing them to make their own choices, like what to wear or what activity to do.
– Micromanaging their homework or projects, doing it for them or correcting every small mistake.
– Restricting their freedom, like not letting them play with friends or explore their surroundings.
– Constantly questioning or criticising their decisions or actions.
3. Not Modelling Healthy Relationships In Their Lives
Remember, your child learns from what they see, so model the relationships you want them to have in their own life.
This is a significant responsibility as a parent, as your actions and behaviors directly influence your child’s understanding of healthy relationships.
Be mindful of how you interact with others, especially in front of your child, to ensure you’re setting a positive example.
4. Not Prioritising Quality Time Can Lead To Stress In Children
You’re constantly busy or distracted when spending time with your child; you’re not engaging in activities or conversations that interest your child; you’re prioritising work, screens, or other obligations over quality time with your child; you’re being physically present but mentally absent (e.g., scrolling through your phone) etc.
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5. Discouraging Emotional Expressions
Suppressing or dismissing emotions can teach children to bottle up their feelings, leading to increased stress and emotional turmoil.
– Dismissing or minimising their feelings (“It’s not a big deal”)
– Not labelling or validating their emotions (“You’re not sad”)
– Encouraging suppression (“Don’t cry”)
– Not teaching emotional vocabulary or skills
– Modeling emotional suppression yourself
When you don’t encourage emotional expressions, your child may struggle to identify and articulate their emotions, feel uncomfortable expressing emotions or consider it a weakness, develop emotional suppression or numbness, experience increased anxiety, depression, or behavioural issues, have difficulty developing empathy and understanding others’ emotions etc.
Remember that parenting is a journey, and asking for help along the way is okay. If you find that your child’s stress and anxiety are persistent or severe, don’t hesitate to seek professional help.
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