Have you thought of having that boyfriend talk with your teenage daughter?
I am writing this as a girl in her twenties but I think mothers might learn a thing or two from the piece.
I was 15 years old when I had my first boyfriend.
Really, I felt happy and in love, no, scratch that, it was as though I was literally walking on water (greatest miracle ever).
Then mom found out and the world became a straight line.
She was mad and did not speak to me for days but went ahead to tell my dad who gave me what I will forever term “the beating of my life”.
What followed form both parents were insults and threats, there was no; “can we have a heart-to-heart talk”?
I was physically and emotionally scarred for two months after that but guess what?
However, I went to see my boyfriend the next day and dated him for two years after that.
I hated my parents, especially my mom for a very long time and only just recently came to understand and accept their actions.
But the situation could have been handled better at that time.
Worse is, to date, the most difficult thing to discuss with my parents is my relationship life.
You can pick a lesson or two at this point but I would like to re-emphasize my points:
1. Beating
Beating/putting a stick to the butt of your child in the name of correcting them to ensure that they do not explore love during their teenage years is a waste of time and a wrong approach.
They will go ahead anyway. Have the boyfriend talk with her. Sitting down to lay it all on the table works far better.
It wouldn’t hurt for you to admit your fears and admit you are scared of them being deceived and hurt.
2. Be The Example
Do not wait for or expect your daughter to spill her intestines bare without giving something similar first.
You reap only what you sow, remember?
3. Approach Issue Of Relationship With Appropriate Attitude
I know the idea of your baby girl going into a relationship naïve and at the wrong time terrifies you, but it would do you and her a universe of good if you approach the issue with a smile and make jokes out of it.
Discretion is the key here instead of going in armed like one who wants to wear.
4. A Little Push In The Right Direction
Your daughter wants to open up to you as much as you want her to have that sissy and bedroom talk with you. All she needs is a little push.
Push in the right direction and in bits too, one wrong push could be fatal.
5. Talk Of Men And Sexuality
Don’t spend all her growing years avoiding talk of men and sexuality then expect a sudden flow of communication in her teenage years.
Have you read: Dating As Single Mum, What You Should Know
Start the boyfriend talk as soon as you can. We, your daughters understand how difficult it can be to take the step of having that discussion but the effort is well worth it.
6. The Boyfriend Talk Approach
If you ever find out she has a boyfriend and thinks it is not yet the right time for her, the first thing to do is sit and have a long talk with her giving her room to air her thoughts.
Opening up about your own teenage escapades might help.
Approach the issue like a normal everyday discussion (I know your heart is about to fail you at this point but it is the time to be strong) and with a big smile before taking any decision.
Don’t ever use her actions to insult her or make fun of her choice of men.
Yours Sincerely
A Concerned Daughter
Author: Sanni Oyiza
Find more resources on parenting for mums and connect with other mothers here
