So Tunde had a bad day at work. Then, he was stuck in traffic for 3 hours. Finally, he gets home with a headache, exhausted, and hungry. All he wants is peace and quiet.
But the kids are hyperactive today!
He tells them to keep the noise down because daddy needs to rest. But in a few minutes the noise level is back up and getting even higher.
The baby is crying, Junior and his sister are screaming their heads off, arguing about which cartoon to watch, the volume of the TV set is high.
All of a sudden Tunde loses it.
He shouts ‘keep quiet’!…
And what else? Fear. He just showed his kids that because he is bigger he demands respect or else there would be trouble.
And what else? He also just showed the children that its okay to lose your temper and scream. They may see it as a means to achieving a goal.
Of course, Tunde loves his children and he does not like the scenario above and these are not the lesson he wants to teach his children.
Can you relate with Tunde’s story?
I know from personal experience that being more patient with my kids has made their behavior over time better and not worse. It has also made me more approachable.
If this is happening to you, you can maintain greater harmony with your children by practicing the art of patience. When you do, you’ll also be helping your children to learn patience – a skill that will benefit them for the rest of their lives.
Here Are 5 Tips You Can Use To Learn Patience With Your Kids:
1. What Are Your Triggers?
Be aware of what makes you lose your temper.
Be as specific as possible. Is it Stress, noise or loud music?
Once you learn to understand what causes you to lose patience, you can try to avoid these situations, or at least you’ll know when it is time to start practicing your patience skills.
2. Visualise Your Transition
Before you leave the office take a few minutes to visualize yourself leaving work and dropping everything else about work not matter how demanding and walk into the warm embrace of your kids.
This technique in particular has help me personally leave the office behind and focus on my kids.
Another thing I do during this transition is play happy music so the traffic does not stress me and more importantly I avoid road rage.
3. Step Away From The Situation By Spending Time To Unwind
After work spend some time to mediate, and destress before heading home.
Even when you get home you can also try exercising, taking a bath and relax so you’re refreshed to spend quality time with your kids. Before the pandemic I used to stop at the gym on my way home.
However, since the lockdown, what I do is hug them and then get into my room and spend the next 20-30 minutes exercising. After which I take a shower. This help me relax. I keep my phone away and give my kids 100% attention.
4. Have Reasonable Expectations
If you have not taught them how to handle a situation, why should you expect they know it automatically.
I remember my daughters would always lay on the floor playing with their new dresses and I would ask in anger ‘what are you doing on the floor?’
I noticed they would stare at me looking confused.
However, I soon realised that playing on the floor is what kids do.
They didn’t care if the dresses were new or not play time was playtime. So I learned to discuss with them. New dresses are for outings.
Play clothes are different.
Even if you have taught them, you should not expect they would carry out your instructions to the letter on the first try. It’s important to understand that many things just take time (and patience).
5. Build Your Relationship Before Expecting Results
It can be easy to become side-tracked by results as father because we want the best for our kids and we can’t wait to see them make us proud.
However, if you focus on your relationship with your child, results will become less important, but may improve anyway as a result of the improved relationship. If your child views you as a friend, remember he or she would always strive to please you
Kids can be frustrating, but practicing patience can strengthen your bonds, lessen your frustration, and teach your children valuable skills while you learn how to become a better dad.
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