That you’ve probably heard this for the umpteenth time won’t stop me from saying this: Marriage is a lifetime venture. Intimacy is necessary to make it an interesting one
On this premise, here are 10 intimacy tips our community of fabulous mums think every bride-to-be ought to know:
1. Marriage Is A Continuous Learning Venture
Marriage is that one course that comes with homework, requires extra research and a lot of reading ahead else you wont understand when you step into it.
Be patient with yourself and your husband, keep communication lines open and pressure-free.
You will make mistakes; a lot of them.
Laugh at mistakes and try again, and keep trying and learning as you go.
Marriage and sex is a continuous learning process, and no amount of preparation can change this status quo.
2. Let It Be A Continuation Of Your Courtship/Relationship
Marriage is like a relationship. The only difference is that you’re going to witness your husband fart more.
If your relationship was serious and uptight, chances are: much won’t change in the marriage. It would be serious and uptight too.
The most important thing how was the relationship/courtship? This is the foundation for most marriages.
3. Read Relationship And Marriage Books
Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages” is always a good place to start. A lot of issues young couples experience is having different ideas on the notion of love, love languages, and varying ways of expression.
When this is the case, you find yourself trying really hard individually but failing to please each other.
Knowing love languages also helps with intimacy and sex.
Again, reading a lot of books written by folks who have been where you are now, will save you from introducing a third party to your relationship which breaks trust and worsens issues. Read books, listen to podcasts.
4. It’s “You” Before “Us”
You are first an individual and that doesn’t or shouldn’t disappear in marriage. Do things that add to your growth.
Marriage is hard work, no doubt. But it will pay you better not to lose yourself in the process.
Think of it this way: “you’ll do a better job of taking care of your spouse and your home when you are self-content and in good health—emotionally, physically, and otherwise”.
Be intentional about ‘me’ time and self-care. You cannot pour from an empty cup.
5. Clear Your Mind Of Most Expectations
If up until this moment the most you know about marriage is from what you’ve seen on Nollywood/Hollywood, sweetie, pull up a seat and one after the other, begin to let go of most of your expectations.
Marriage is a different ball game entirely.
For instance, in those movies, they are in a hurry to get under the sheets on their wedding night, yanking off their clothes, and all that drama. In reality however, most couples are usually too exhausted on their night of wedding, and go to sleep, knowing none of them is going anywhere now.
The danger of assimilating too much information is that it will place you in a state of ‘over-expectation’ of yourself, which might just lead to unnecessary anxiety and in the long run, when you fall short of the standards you’ve placed, you begin to feel disappointed, incompetent, not-good-enough and so on.
The truth is, no matter how much you prepare, read books, see therapists, learn snake in the monkey shadow style, the reality will always be different.
What you need now is ditch your worries and self-doubt and embrace full confidence even as you are meant to confront issues you’ve never dealt with before.
6. Do Not Pretend
When it comes to marriage do not even pretend. I repeat, don’t pretend.
Marriage is hard enough. It won’t be that long before the real deal starts showing, so, there’s really no point.
Pretending to be someone else just to get through the door will only leave you and your husband frustrated, disappointed, and grossly unhappy.
Don’t pretend to be ‘Okay’ with some mannerisms your spouse displays during courtship “so you don’t scare him off” and what not. Be natural be open.
If he’s the one for you, he’ll love you just the way you are.
They’ll be plenty of things you’ll have to tolerate once you’ve gotten married.
Don’t intentionally make your list longer by pretending to be who you’re not in the first instance. If you have issues with anything, find a good time to talk about it.
Communication is key, couples who communicate well are usually very happy. It also makes intimacy grow.
7. It’s A Unique Journey For All
Dear bride-to-be, be rest assured that there is no one size fits all in marriage and marital intimacy. What works for A most times, won’t work for B.
Just be calm down, take deep breaths a lot, communicate freely, and take it one day at a time.
It’s not an exam and the outcome or results are judged only by God and both of you.
Be open and talk about everything with each other, try not to bottle things up or pretend something is fine when it is not.
Consciously decide you are in it for the long-haul and always remember you are on the same team, even when it’s hard.
This will motivate and encourage you to be deliberate in working for the good of your relationship too.
8. Pray A Lot
Be patient with yourself and with him, pray a lot.
Pray about anything and everything. Be mindful of who you talk to about your marital issues.
Go to God first with any issues.
Try and be open to your spouse and prayerfully go through every stage. Praying together sometimes too also helps improve intimacy
9. You Are A Team; Work As One
Ensure that your relationship is as such that your husband finds a partner in you, and vice-versa. Find a way to reach out to him and create opportunities for him to know how to get to you when you need him more.
Let him be your best friend, your cheerleader and all and you, his.
Have you read: 6 Important Discussions To Have With Your Partner Today
Challenges will come but it is how you start now that matters so you both can weather any storm. Also, it will help to have laid down routines for your relationship as a couple and improve intimacy.
In all, practice effective communication and talk about everything from sex, finance, career, hobbies, childbearing, business, health, spirituality, every single thing.
You are a team, work as one. And from time to time, make efforts to spice things up and be closer to each other, to keep your marriage from getting boring.
10. Love Him On His Own Terms, Not Yours
His ideas of love and relationship might be the direct opposite of yours, and that’s fine. Research shows that love for most men is interpreted in terms of ‘respect’ while it is ‘attention’ for women.
Go in with an open mind, ready to adjust as you progress, and always remember the head of a family is the man.
What you find funny might not be to him, your sweet might be bland to him.
Learn to listen, and love him on his own terms, not yours.
Also, let your husband know he’s in charge, and that you respect him a great deal.
Don’t ever bad-mouth your husband with friends or family, not even as a joke, and don’t cut off from friends, whether married or single.
They are his friends; they make him happy.
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