In marriage, sex is essential and every couple should do their best to sustain it. When the drive is low, it is a good thing to rekindle sex and have a better relationship.
Also, sex is one of the most unifying factors in marriage. The bond that comes from it is unimaginable.
The experience the day after a night with a remarkable sexual intercourse, often provides us evidence of what sex could do to the mind.
If you find that the sexual relationship between you and your partner is heading south, these few tips shared by So Healthy Nigeria could help you rekindle sex in your marriage.
1. Be Willing To Change
Indeed, if you want to rekindle sex in marriage, you have to be willing to give up habits.
You should consciously begin to reduce the amount of attention you give to your phone when you are at home.
Where a person’s treasure is, there also, is that person’s mind. Do you value your phone more than the wife or husband of your youth?
If you once desire a precious moment with her when you were courting, you should look back and and see the good days.
As a man, when you are home, consciously give attention to what she is wearing, admire her hair do, her dress, her lips, her back side and all those body parts that you cherish.
No one will do those for you.
Woman, give less attention to social networks when you are home. Get an assistant that should handle that from the period you are home and give attention to your man and family.
He is the one you said ‘I do’ to. He needs your attention. The distance that social network could create between couples is unimaginable.
Guard against it.
2. Create The Mood For Sex
Now that you are restoring attention gradually, you should begin to create the mood for sex.
After spending few years in marriage, everything changes and you have to create this mood.
Sexual desire will no longer come like a rush. You will only enjoy this moment few years into your marriage.
Once the law of diminishing utility sets in, a conscious effort must be made to initiate this mood.
As a woman, how sexy do you dress at home? Just because the kids are now around does not mean you should throw those sexy looks he loves away.
Wear them and if you are scared the girl child could copy, remind them that they can only wear that at home with their husband.
The truth is that the man may not tell you to wear them, since he is also experiencing the diminishing utility. He may just tang along while he misses those nice looks that trigger some feelings in him.
Do not go about wearing long gowns and tying your hair up while you are at home.
Looking good is not only for outing times.
Music, looks, touches at specific body parts, would send the signals through the spine and draw the necessary emotions.
When you don’t touch each other and do things intentionally to create the mood, emotions are bottled up and they could blow up to conflict at every small disagreement.
Also, learn to talk about sex. Say some dirty things that would trigger emotions and make the desire go wild. They really do not make you less spiritual.
3. Plan Sex
Hey! who says there is no need to plan for sex? Those days, before your marriage, you will go out, spend some time together and look for every opportunity to kiss or even go down.
Truly, before you set out for that moment together, you had plans. Your mind was working out the right time and once it shows up, you seize your moment.
Why don’t you plan for such moments now? Has marriage removed the planning ability? Sit with your spouse and discuss sex times.
Truly, if you have to keep the sex fire burning, you have to talk about it. Do not just sit and act like you are an angel. Sex in marriage also needs a plan for it to be maximised.
Have you read: 8 Ways to Boost Libido, Improve Sex Life
Set out days, and mark it out on your calendars so that you will look forward to it.
On that day, be intentional and do things that will arouse your partner.
4. Initiate Sex Differently
One of the very things that fuel diminishing utility is holding a variable constant. Don’t just initiate sex on the bed.
Once you do not consider how you initiate sex as a couple, the fire will soon burn out.
Grab her in the kitchen when the kids are not around and take a shot. Men, make sure she gets to the orgasmic realm. That is what will make her want more of such moments.
For me, everywhere is good for sex, except a worship place.
Sex must not happen on the bed. In fact the bed becomes a boring place for sex most times since the most moments on it are spent sleeping.
Try different sex styles and that will help rekindle sex in your marriage.
5. Go On Holiday
Again, your home may just have become very familiar that it no longer motivates sexual intercourse.
I remember traveling with my family to a resort in Badagry area of Lagos State and it was so amazing how being away began to fuel sexual moves.
Being away from home makes you want to explore more than just the environment. It makes you want to create memories you will leave the location with.
For this reason it is very okay for couples to plan holiday time once in a while.
6. Eat With Your Spouse
Meal times offer an opportunity to bond and discuss. But if you have formed the habit of eating alone, you are by yourself creating a mind block. Break it by eating together.
When you do, you will find time to discuss, look each other in the face and observe some things.
Put one or two pieces of meat in his or her mouth. This also helps raise mood and increase the bond between you.
Bottom Line
For a couple to rekindle sex in their marriage, they really have to work it out. A sex therapist can only give you tips, but will not help you practice those tips.
It is like laying the bed for you, but you will still have to get on it and ‘do the do’.
Lack of intimacy is a major cause of conflict and flaring up that should not have occurred.
Becoming more intimate with your partner is a good way to increase sex drive.
A study suggests that in both male and female partners in romantic, long-term relationships, higher levels of intimacy are associated with higher sexual desire.
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