By Toyin Abiola

Marriage is a safe haven for lovers. A place where they can express deep feelings towards each other without hindrances and explore themselves in the most beautiful way.

Marriage is beautiful gift to humanity. Marriage is a journey and not the end itself. It is a path that leads and guides you towards the goal which is the purpose of the union- the reason for your relationship, the reason behind your oneness being manifested in this reality- this dimension.

The problem with marriages is that the couples do not know the purpose for their union.

 Everything in life has a purpose. Your life as an individual has a purpose and your life as a couple has a greater purpose not just to yourself alone but, your children, your family, and the wider world. If you do not know the purpose of a thing, it will be abused or misused. If a husband does not know the reason his wife is in his life, he will abuse her and same goes for the woman. So many couples are suffer emotional and mental abuse in their marriages because they do not know the reason they are together.

Here are four ways you can revive the spark in your marriage


There were butterflies, sleepless nights, thumping hearts, beautiful dinner, a thousand roses, great gifts, but your marriage is above all those things. When you know the purpose for your spouse in your life, you treat them with utmost LOVE, APPRECIATION, and RESPECT.

How can there be a flame in a marriage where there is no respect, appreciation, and understanding? Understanding purpose will help you look beyond the inadequacies. You know that the imperfection of your partner is perfect for you and perfect for the ultimate goal of your marriage. Where there is understanding of your marital purpose the issue of abuse, neglect, disrespect, insubordination and more, that comes from the spouses, will be non-existent, which makes room for any flame to burn unhindered.


A beautiful marriage starts with the spouses knowing themselves as individuals first, then as a couple. Who are you? What do you hate? What do you like? What motivates you? What inspires you? What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses? What is your ambition? Do you have a dream? Do you have a personal goal? How does your individual self, fit perfectly into the overall purpose of your marriage without causing problems? What areas of your life do you still need to work on? Because, if we do not work on our negative sides, it would quench the flame in the marriage eventually.


The easiest way to avoid stress and emotional imbalance in the home is to KNOW your spouse. You cannot please someone you do not know. I have heard a lot of couple say things like, ‘I have done all I can do but the situation is still the same’’. Gary chapman talked about understanding your spouse’s love languages. Are you speaking his or her love language daily? You cannot speak your own love language alone and expect your spouse to be crazy over it. Give to your spouse what he/she wants and desires and let him/her give to you what you like and desire. That is how a beautiful marriage is built and how you can keep the flame of love continually burning.


Love is the best cure for any situation. It is the answer to all marital problems and questions. How do you react when a situation is unfavorable? Many marital woes happen because of the way we react to situations and circumstances which comes due to the personality we have built over the years. Let go of attitudes that will not serve your marriage. One attitude I know that did not serve my marriage was getting angry easily and snapping over every little thing. It brought so much tension into my marriage. When I decided to follow the path of PEACE, I started to manifest more of peace and love in my marriage. Your marriage is simply what you make of it, no more no less.

I can tell you to buy gifts, call your spouse or text your spouse, cook for him/her and all what not. But if we do not go to the root, it will remain the same story. When you work on all these things from your heart, it becomes your constant vibration. And we simply manifest what we vibrate constantly. If your vibration is that of love and peace, you will manifest that.

So, this valentine, apart from indulging in romantic activities like going out and giving gifts (which is supposed to be done as often as possible not just on valentine’s day), make it a point to be conscious of your marriage daily- moment by moment and live from that knowledge and understanding. I promise you a blissful and ‘flame-ful’ relationship when you do that.

Toyin Abiola

Toyin Abiola is a Love and Marriage Coach and speaker. The founder of Beautiful Marriage Ministry and the author of The ABCs of a Beautiful Marriage. You can contact Toyin here