FERTILITY TALES BY Dr.Nordi
MY FRIENDS GET PREGNANT I GET HEARTBROKEN (PART 1)
My Friends Get Pregnant I get heart broken. Clara is pregnant again. The news hit me like a physical blow. I can only stare dumbly at my friend of more than a quarter of a century as she elatedly announces she is five weeks gone. It is her second pregnancy in less than two years – a development that catches me completely off guard. It is with tremendous effort that I put up a straight face. I hug and congratulate her. I try to be happy for Clara, but inside of me is a strange, cold, nagging sensation. I try to push it away and be really glad for my friend, but I’m baffled when the feeling persists and keeps growing. It takes me a while to realise that what I’m feeling is jealousy. I’m jealous of Clara’s pregnancy.
Clara is pregnant again. The news hit me like a physical blow. I can only stare dumbly at my friend of more than a quarter of a century as she elatedly announces she is five weeks gone. It is her second pregnancy in less than two years – a development that catches me completely off guard. It is with tremendous effort that I put up a straight face. I hug and congratulate her. I try to be happy for Clara, but inside of me is a strange, cold, nagging sensation
“Hey, isn’t it time you guys started your own family?” Clara asks innocently. I put on a brave smile and tell a lie in a way that is not too obvious. “Oh, we’re about starting. We are working on it.” But inside of me, I’m livid with rage. I’m so very upset I’m almost choking. My body tightens up, I begin to tremble. The tears well up, stinging my eyes. My mind is in turmoil. “Is it my fault?” I ask mentally. Am I not trying my best? Clara is my friend but see how she treats me. See how she is showing off to me. What sin have I committed? Is it because she can easily get pregnant whenever she wants to? I feel so bad, so depressed, so let down. But I force back the tears and swallow the tight lump in my throat. I try to smother the angry, hurt and irrational side of me that wants to rise up and smash her smug face with my fist.
Something goes “snap” in my mind and I retort: “So you are pregnant again? By the way what’s the rush? Didn’t you just have a baby last year? Why not keep those legs of yours together for a change? Slow down and stop being so selfish! I exclaim. The words are out of my mouth before I know it and even as I take in the look of horrified shock on Clara’s face, somehow I feel no remorse. Clara is my best friend, but why am I complaining? We have been friends for as long as I can remember. We passed through high school together, were in the university together and even did our Youth Corps service in the same State. Great friends, we got married a couple of months apart, but while Clara’s marriage has been blessed with a lovable daughter, I’m still hoping for the fruit of the womb and here she is telling me she is expecting another baby.
So don’t even ask me if I’m happily married because I honestly do not know. I’m not even sure if it can still be described as a marriage in the real sense because things have changed dramatically. Lately, John, my husband of five years, is no longer the loving, caring and doting man I vowed to be with till death do us part. I’m not under any illusion that the most probable reason why things have so changed is because I’m yet to have my own baby, or, to put it more bluntly, I’m yet to bear him a child.
Sincerely, I do not care anymore. But before you begin to judge me, it might help if you considered the fact I have been trying for a baby without luck for as long as I’ve been married. I’ve tried everything. I’ve been to hospitals, churches, mosques and even shrines. I’ve been everywhere, done anything and all things, yet no luck. I’ve seen every reputable medical expert in town, but for some inexplicable reason, pregnancy continues to elude me. It’s not that I’m overtly anxious, but you might be right to conclude that I’m deeply concerned about the fact that a baby has not come to further firmly tie the strings of love bonding myself and my husband.
You might even be justified if you concluded that at 36, age is not particularly on my side or that I’m not exactly young to be a first-time mother. But I fail to see the point when people are congratulating themselves and keep asking questions such as “So when are you going to have children?” or “Don’t you think it’s time you thought of getting pregnant?” Perfectly straightforward and reasonable questions, but if only the enquirers knew what torture these words are to me.
Don’t get me wrong. I love children and nothing would make me happier that to have my very own. But I’ve learnt to live with the torture of being taunted and also to lie politely. I’ve been told my husband and I are fertile, but… read part 2
Don’t get me wrong. I love children and nothing would make me happier that to have my very own. But I’ve learnt to live with the torture of being taunted and also to lie politely. I’ve been told my husband and I are fertile, but
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