In commemoration of the 2019 Mother’s Day, we asked an array of mums from different walks of life to share their thoughts on motherhood, support systems and the balancing act of parenting.
Do check out their interviews below and don’t forget to call Mom.
I love Mother’s day but I think it’s overrated- Uchenna Mofunanya
Uchenna Mofunanya is the founder and CEO of ShapeUp with Mrs. Murphy a Weight Management, Fitness, and Lifestyle Consult. She was one of the finalists at the Silverbird organised Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria (MBGN) pageant, 2006. A mum of three, she shares her story:
What is it like running a business and raising children?
This hasn’t been easy but with some effort I’ve been able to find a near perfect balance between my family and my job.
I run a largely online business, so I must say it wasn’t easy at first because enquiries come from different people in different places with different time zones.
But I had to set working hours for myself, even though it’s a bit of a struggle to adhere strictly to this. It helps me regulate.
That way, when I have to work, I work and when I shut down, I spend time with the family.
My husband’s job keeps him away for the greater part of the day, so I work around the timelines.
I also took up the responsibility of driving my kids to and from school, that way I get to spend a lot of time with them.
What’s one motherhood mistake you have made?
In my early motherhood days, I found that I raised my voice and even screamed at my kids a lot whenever I was overwhelmed (and trust me, there were a lot of such times).
I had to call myself to order when I started noticing this trait manifesting as a bad-habit in my first child who would end up screaming at the slightest frustration as well.
What did you do differently?
I had to learn the difference between being firm and having to raise your voice and that you don’t have to raise your voice to be effective.
As a result, started a process of correcting my daughter as well and made her understand it was wrong and I that was also sorry.
This might be difficult for a lot of mothers (it wasn’t easy for me either) but trust me, it makes a world of difference.
What is the best motherhood advice you have ever received?
The best motherhood advice I believe I ever received was: “Always listen to your instincts”. A mother’s instincts are rarely wrong.
And this had proven to be true in most cases.
Whenever I follow my instincts on issues concerning my kids, they are rarely wrong. They might sound illogical to the average ear, but trust me, a mother knows.
If you could go back in time what will you tell your younger self?
One thing I would like to do is to tell my younger self the importance of using time wisely because time lost can never be regained.
If I could go back in time, I would teach my younger self the importance of time management. I would make better use of lost time.
What are your thoughts about Mother’s Day?
I love Mother’s day and the idea behind it, but in all sincerity, I think it’s overrated.
Some people wait for this day to do for their mothers what they should have been doing for the past 365 days.
I also think that we should celebrate the good men, the fathers as much as we celebrate our mums.
A lot of men sacrifice a lot and because they may not be emotionally available in the home the mother takes preeminence.
The fathers’ sacrifices is down played. But we almost forget that these sacrifices are what actually creates financial stability in most homes.
A good man deprives himself to give his son 25,000 Naira out of the 30,000 Naira he requested and because the mom makes up the remaining 5,000 Naira, all of a sudden she is the best mom in the world.
Women should not get me wrong, I’m a mother too and we all love the attention we get on mother’s day but I think we need to cut the men some slack too.
Who is a fabulous mum?
A fabmum is, first of all, a woman and then a mother who feels and looks good in her own skin.
She is a confident goal getter that represents perfectly both at the home front and every other thing she sets her mind to do.
A Fabmum is trendy and does not let the challenges of motherhood cramp her style. She is an asset to the collective and is adored by her husband and kids.
My greatest fear as a mum is that I’m not doing enough to prepare my daughter for the world – Tinuke Atilade
Tinuke Atilade is a mummy blogger and the founder of OliveTree kits, a company that provides hospital bag essentials for pregnant women.
The mum-of-one, holds a master’s degree in Management in health and social care and has experience working as a project coordinator for nonprofit organisations.
What are your greatest fears as mum and do you handle it?
My greatest fear as a mum is that I’m not doing enough to prepare my daughter for the world.
I worry about finding that balance between her learning what she should back home in terms of values and being disciplined.
Others are academic and social learnings, discovering her talents and nurturing them early and being a God fearing child.
I just want her to grow up to be a confident kind hearted girl.
I handle it though by doing what I can without being extreme and telling myself daily that I am doing a great job (I need to get used to making positive affirmations.
What is the most profound motherhood experience you have?
The most profound motherhood experience I’ve had would have to be the day after I became a mother.
It was funny to me how we spent so much time preparing for her arrival, anticipating what she would look like etc. and then the day she finally came, I ended up being in labour for the longest time.
I was too exhausted afterwards to feel anything so I was quick to agree when the nurses asked me if I wanted her to sleep in the nursery that night.
It wasn’t love at first sight for me, only relief.
Then the next day, they brought her to me and my heart swelled with pride! I couldn’t believe I birthed this beautiful cute little baby. And that’s when I cried…
Do you think social media puts mums under undue pressure?
Oh yes! When I first had my baby, I wasn’t on Instagram and yet I felt so insecure and unsure of my every move.
I would watch my daughter sleep, check her breathing, thinking to myself that hope I did everything right today.
When she got a cold, I blamed myself intensely. Imagine now opening social media while feeling all of that and then seeing other mums posting perfect pictures every day and writing about the ‘perfect’ scenarios when you’re just thankful on your part that you guys survived a phase ? I feel like unless one is grounded enough in her role as a mum, these can either increase the feelings of pressure or guilt or both.
In what ways did motherhood prepare you for business?
I honestly never thought about any correlation between me being a mum and starting my business.
However, now that I think about it, my starting a business has everything to do with becoming a mother.
I never saw myself as an entrepreneur before now and I always shouted it to anyone that would listen. But there’s something about becoming a mother that makes you believe you can do more and be more…. that you can juggle different things and still thrive.
I don’t know how to explain it but being a mum really does make me feel like I can conquer the world.
And how can it be overcome or avoided?
I always recommend unfollowing and avoiding pages that make one feel some type of way.
And to consciously remind yourself that you are the best mum to your baby.
No one can mother your child like you. And that’s the gospel truth!
What are your thoughts on Mother’s Day?
I like the idea of Mother’s Day because even though we say every day should be Mother’s Day, mothers are taken for granted a lot. So it feels good having a special day to appreciate and show love mothers everywhere.
What support system do you have and how do you find time for self?
My husband is my major support system.
We share responsibilities especially when it comes to our daughter. He helps out with my business too when I’m swamped.
And then I have someone who comes in twice a week to clean and do market runs.
That helps a lot. Having a routine for our child too really helps with planning for my me-time. He stays with her while I go off to do my thing.
Who in your opinion is a Fabmum?
In my opinion, a Fabmum is a mum who knows that she isn’t perfect and knows her limitations, doesn’t compare herself to other mums. She understands that she is the only one that can mother her child perfectly.
She also gets to find time for self-care because she knows that she can’t pour from an empty cup.
Nothing prepares you for that moment when your child comes into the world- Oluchi Madubuike
Oluchi Madubuike is a geoscientist turned child hair care advocate who has successfully converted her 20-month old daughter’s hair care routine into a thriving business Munandluchi
Most Profound Motherhood Experience?
That would be BIRTHING MY FIRST CHILD. Nothing prepares you for that moment you make the final “push!” when your child comes into the world. The combination of feelings, tangible and intangible, it’s INCREDIBLE! There’s nothing quite like it.
What Support System do you have and how do you find time for yourself?
My husband is my number one hero!
Then I have a part time house cleaner who comes three times a week to help with chores around the house.
Of course family and very close friends, priceless!
To make time for myself, I had to develop a routine for my child.
So I ensure we do our best to follow the routine, that way, I stay organized.
So from when she’s in school 8am till 3pm and from 8pm to 12pm when she’s in bed, I have my “me time”.
In what ways did motherhood prepare you for business?
I used to work 9-5 till my baby was 7 months and I couldn’t handle the paranoia of being in the office wondering what was going on at home with my kid, lol. So I had to become a stay-at-home mum.
Since I didn’t want to become a couch potato, I had to figure out how to use my God given skills to make myself useful to the world.
Knowing that a lot of mums struggle with caring for their children’s hair, I decided to render services in line with Child Hair Care, since I was already doing well with my own daughter’s hair journey.
Do you think it’s possible for mums to have it all?
It really depends on what “ALL” means to you in all honesty. If it’s by Society standards then, No mums can’t have it all.
Do you think Social Media Puts Mums under pressure, how can it be overcome or avoided?
Yes! I think it puts mums under pressure, whether you’re an “observer mum” or a “mumprenuer”, the competition is crazy, especially on instagram. Phewww!!!
To avoid it, you need to know who you are and what your values are. Once you’ve defined these two things, I’m not sure you should be affected by the buzz on social media or any other environment for that matter.
Another important tip is to remeber that…what we see on social media is only “part of the full story”.
What are your thoughts on Mother’s Day?
Love it! I love the fact that there’s even more than one mother’s day in the month of March, lol.
Mums should be celebrated more, we do a lot. Dads are awesome too but mums are exceptional and should be appreciated at every chance.
Who in your opinion is a FABMUM?
A FABMUM nurtures and builds. She’s a prayer warrior, home maker extraordinaire, and a multitasking boss.
A FABMUM is aware she can’t do it all, as such is able to seek and get support when she needs it.
She’s not perfect, and she knows that, but she focuses on her strengths while using them to add value to the world around her.
A FABMUM is an amazing mum whose kids can’t wait to tell their friends all about their mum because they think “She’s Cool”.
Motherhood looks glamourous, cute in photos, but in real life, it is hard- Ms.Asoebi
Ms. Asoebi is a mommy and founder of Ms. Asoebi, a wedding and style page. She holds a degree in pharmacy and is passionate about pediatric health issues.
What is the most profound motherhood experience you have?
Honestly I can’t tell if I have had one, but one thing I know is I have learnt a lot about allergies in kids as mine was allergic to milk and is now allergic to gluten.
What support system do you have and how do you find time for self?
My family is my support system. Sadly haven’t figured out how to make out time for myself since I had my daughter (she will be 3 years old soon).
An inside joke I always say is, when all the kids go to boarding school (in like 8 years) I will breathe.
What support system do you have?
The best ever, Family. Especially my husband, my mother and my mothers-in-law (yeah I have 2, my actual mother-in-law and her sister, they are both amazing).
What are your greatest fears as mum and how do you handle it?
Abuse (sexual, physical, emotional abuse)
Sexual…. my daughter and I have frequent conversations about good touch and bad touch and who to report to if certain words are said to her or actions make her uncomfortable.
Physical….. Everyone around her has been told never to hit her, she is a very good girl and listens to correction. This is even a criteria for choosing schools, because as a child I was never hit, not even once and I turned out awesome.
Emotional…. A lot of people tend to be insensitive with their words even to kids but in our family we speak a lot of words of affirmation and basically build her confidence in every way possible with positivity and lots and lots of love.
What misconception do you think people have about motherhood?
Lol, they think its easy-peasy, motherhood looks glamourous and cute in photos but in real life all that is just 50% of it, the other 50% is hard, consistent, deliberate work to ensure your child is safe and turns out great.
What are your thoughts on Mother’s Day?
It’s an awesome day and i am glad we have lots of them annually, lol. Because we deserve it. Mother’s day is a reminder that we are truly loved and appreciated for all we do.
Who in your opinion is a Fabmum?
A Fabmum is a mom who ensures her kids get all the love they deserve ( love is nurturing so all other things also fall under this), runs her home effectively (whether by herself or with domestic staff) and still makes a living.
Being a work from home mum is an answered prayer- Nkechi Idimachi
Nkechi Idinmachi is the Creator and Marketing Communications Manager at Pages&ink Limited, an organisation focused on working with SMEs to enable them leverage on digital tools to grow their businesses online. She is also the Baby Chef and Mumpreneur in charge of the Nkechiyelu Page on Instagram.
Have you always wanted to be a work from home mum?
The plan has always been that if I have kids I would want to be present for at least the first few years of their lives.
So, I feel absolutely blessed to be able to do it alongside a thriving business.
It can get really tough and frustrating without proper time management but I’ve been able to create and recreate schedules that ensure that I am available for my son while being productive at work.
Describe motherhood in your own words?
Oh wow! Motherhood is full of moments! ?joyful, frustrating, scary, and emotional moments.
However, the defining moment for me was when I saw my son lying in the isolette all pink, frail and tiny.
(He was born at 34 weeks and weighed 2.01kg. ) I wanted to do everything I could with the help of God to be absolutely there for him in every way.
I asked the doctor what I could do and he said “he needs your breastmilk” I tried to breastfeed but he latched poorly so I sat by his side and expressed every 2 hours, day and night for 8 days.
Not to brag but for a woman who just delivered a baby to be able to do that… I knew that God has equipped me with all the strength I’ll ever need for this journey.
What advice do you have for first time mums?
Ask for help! I wish I heeded to this advice much earlier. It took me 17 months after my baby came to finally get a maid.
I remember the first time my husband mentioned it, I had a meltdown and accused him of insinuating that I am incapable of running my home?
Dear Mama, don’t be like me at the beginning, get help. ?
Do you have any productivity tips for stay at home mums?
Being a stay at home mum doesn’t mean that you should do all the chores including childcare by yourself, then add a business to it. Protect your mental health. Start by getting help: it can come in various forms – someone to clean the house, order bulk meals for the home instead of cooking all the time, ask that teenager in the church to come to help you watch your child 2 hours every/3 Times a week or so and pay her something. Just so you can have sometime to yourself.
If you had a baby now what would you do differently?
If I have a new baby now, I won’t let him stop breastfeeding at 18 months as my son did. I would persist or express and store until he is 3.
Another thing I would do is get help from the beginning so I can find time to sleep more
What are your thoughts about Mother’s Day?
We all should seize the opportunity to appreciate every woman of the childbearing age who has made any significant impact on our lives.
Make it a ritual in your home.
If they are not shaking body for you in your home.
Tell them to take care of themselves for the day and go spoil yourself by yourself ???.
Who is a Fabmum?
A FabMum, in my opinion, is any woman who understands her roles as mum and carries it out with pride and grace, she is also well aware of her limitations and seeks the help she needs to overcome them.
Motherhood is a never ending learning journey – Odira Okwuagwu
Odira Okwuagwu is a happy wife & proud mom of 2 adorable children. I’m a chef and an Instagram mom blogger who runs Adorable Mums.
Do you have a profound motherhood experience?
Being a mother is in itself a profound moment -the unforgettable moment when I held my baby in my arms, to watching her grow, to having someone who calls me mom, my mini-me, my look alike – I’m just a proud mom.
Do you have a support system?
My husband, my mom, my nanny, my mother-in-law, my family, her school.
It depends on the situation at hand; for example; there are times I’m super busy and had to leave my kids in school till 6 pm so at that point I call her school to check up on her and all; when the kids are on break and I have to be somewhere, my mom or mom-in-law will gladly come to my rescue.
How do you find time for you
I use my support systems to get rest; when my son was 4 months, I left him with my mom-in-law and traveled with hubby for 2 weeks.
If I’m too tired after work; I simply communicate with the nanny to stylishly distract her and boom, I run to my room to hide and get some rest.
Do you think social media pressure does affect mums that much?
Yes yes yes Social media and pressure is synonymous to each other, it puts a lot of pressure on moms ooo… kai; but one thing I have learnt from childhood is contentment and that helps me a lot to overcome + the fact that I know that we’re NOT on the same journey so this always puts me in check and helps me focus/and stay in my lane.
Who is a Fabmum?
She is a woman who is on a journey not to become a perfect mom (no one is ) but on a journey to be a better version herself – be it spiritually, academically, socially, career-wise) whilst juggling motherhood + family and reaching out for support/asking for help where and when necessary.
Taking care of your self as a mum is not selfish- Jayne A
Jayne A. is a journalist, media consultant and founder of FABMUMNG
an all inclusive support community for mums of kids 0-12 encouraging and reassuring them that they can have it all one day at a time. She is married & blessed with a set of triplets who mean everything to her .
How can a mum find time for herself even with a busy schedule?
1. Accept and ask for help.
Whether it is hiring someone to clean the house, having Dad take over some duties, or inviting Grandma to stay with the kids or dropping the kids off at her place, you need to find ways to lighten your load so you don’t break down.
2. Stop comparing your new life to the old one or that of another mum.
The career mum, stay at home mum and Fabmumpreneur envy one another with each one wishing to be like the other at one point in time.
(Oh the irony)Embrace your current season with the understanding that it won’t last forever.
Motherhood changes every mum and looks different for everyone.
We think you will find our article on 4 Ways To Correct Your Child Without Yelling interesting
3. Reconnect with friends and your spouse.
Don’t feel guilty for wanting to have a girls time out or wanting to splurge on you sometimes. Your kids won’t die if you leave them even for a few hours.
4. Set realistic smart goals for yourself
Think about what you wish your days were like.
Then write it down. Do you wish you could have lunch with a friend once a month? See a movie? Or even go shopping?
Whatever it is you are missing from your life, write it down & work towards it.
5 Take care of yourself.
This is the golden rule.Although this may seem like a no-brainer, so many women neglect themselves in favor of what they think the family needs.
6. Schedule some me time.
Pick the same day and time every week and schedule it on your calendar. Then, be protective of this time because you need it.
This me time will give you a chance to step back and reflect on your life and what you want it to look like.
It also will give you a small break every week where you can escape the demands of motherhood for a short time.
It doesn’t have to be something fancy.
Even sleeping or taking a walk or watching a movie are reading are great ideas.
