Letter to my 4-year-old toddler

EDear daughter,

You know I love you, but mehn, I have had enough! You would understand better after reading this letter.

  1. Stop singing songs repeatedly. It is frustrating and scary as an adult to wake up to the National anthem ringing in my ear and me humming to it unconsciously throughout the day. Uggggh. I know you are excited about learning a new song, but I don’t want to hear it AGAIN!

  2. STOP singing songs you do not know the lyrics to. What in God’s name is “Mamaleke step” when you should be singing “Show me your dancing step” or what is “Mizy God” when you should be saying “Mighty God”. Please just stop. What in fact is most annoying is that I have started singing your version unconsciously.

  3. IT IS NOT YOUR BIRTHDAY YET… and singing the birthday song for yourself every day or asking me is it your birthday yet? won’t make the day come faster. Your birthday is in July. This is the last time I will ever tell you. Yes, I am shouting!

  4. Once I say “Time to take a nap”…For your own good, just take that nap. Not like I am so concerned about you getting enough sleep as a child, but PLEASSEEEEEE I need those 2 hours to myself! So just sleep or pretend you are sleeping.

  5. Bedtime at night is not the time where you remember all the things you want to tell me. What happened to the remaining 83 hours we were together during the day? I will be patient enough to listen to the first thing when you say “Mummy I want to tell you something” but after that, once I stand up and proceed to leave your room, just hold ya peace till 7:00 am.

  6. Are you aware that when you wake up in the morning, you can lie or sit in bed without coming to wake the rest of us up? Just in case you are thinking to yourself what you would be doing, I have already thought of a few suggestions
    – Carry broom and sweep the sitting room
    – Arrange your school uniform or if it’s on a weekend, go and have your bath for yourself
    – Surprise your mama by preparing breakfast for her and serve breakfast in bed. Everything you’ll need is in the kitchen.
    – If you don’t want to do any chore, just pick up a book abeg.
    In all you think of and eventually decide to do, PLEASE DON’T COME TO MY ROOM.

  7. I know you are in the learning phase of your life, so asking questions is your default setting. Please ehn, once a question pops up in your head, just pick up my phone and type in on Google. You will find your answer. I may be taller than you, but there are many things you ask that I don’t know. Na that same Google I dey ask. So save yourself the stress.

  8. You may like the sound of my voice, but saying something over and over and over and oveerrrrrrrrrrr again is not something even a talkative would like. Have mercy on me, please. If I say it once, with my serious face and monster voice, that should be your cue that I don’t want your action repeated. Why do you keep doing those same things? WHY?

I don’t want to hear that you can’t read all the words I have written here yet, because you sometimes act like an adult that I am tempted to think you are just pretending to be a little girl to get on my nerves.

You can paste this on the wall in your room so that you are reminded everyday what is expected of you.

God bless you as you fall in line.

I love you.

Kisses,

Mummy.

Oreoluwa Sonola is a Household Manager. She ensures the systems in homes run smoothly with little or no supervision from the homeowners. She creates management and training resources, procedural manuals, work schedules and SOPs for Domestic staff within the home and chore schedules for kids where the domestic staff is absent. Some of her resources can be found on her website and Instagram and twitter @maidformee.

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