4 parental behaviours to avoid

Avoid these four parental behaviours if you want to build a precious relationship with your child

CRITICISM

In most cases parents criticise their children in a bid to get them to do better and to become better. The problem with the approach though is that it can be very demoralising. This is because children are very vulnerable at that stage of their lives. Rather than biding them up and encouraging them to do better, it tears down and eats at their confidence belief and self-worth. As a parent, you must lay emphasis on the positive qualities of the child. Without mincing words it is safe to say that a child cannot bring out his best if his or her worst is constantly being centered upon.

CONTEMPT

Contempt is quite similar to basic criticism the major difference being that it is coming from a person in a superior position, or authority figure. Contempt comes in various forms ranging from name-calling, sneering, eye rolling and sarcasm to hostile humor, and mockery. More disturbing is the fact that studies show that these contemptuous acts have adverse effects on the child in more ways than one would imagine at first glance. In many cases it leads to be severe deterioration and possible breakdown of the relationship between parent and child. In more severe cases it could have adverse effects on the health of the child by way of a psychosomatic reaction to the contemptuous behavior of the parents. The antidote for contempt is respect. Treat your child with the same respect you want her to treat you with.

 

DEFENSIVENESS

Very few parents are aware or conscious of this, but most are guilty of it. Defensiveness is described as a reaction against feeling personally attacked; self-protection through righteous indignation or playing the victim. Basically, the defensive nature of the parent makes them transfer the blame onto the child by any means possible. If such a means proves impossible to find, some resort to highlighting the cultural cum societal positions/ roles each party plays in the family. Translation, “I’m superior so shut up.” Summarily, it’s avoiding taking responsibility by laying the blame at the feet of the child.

 

STONEWALLING:

Stonewalling simply means withdrawing from the conversation before everyone feels the issue is settled. Children can be impulsive to the extent where you feel like spanking them. Having to give your child the cold shoulder treatment isn’t actually the best thing to do rather, have a seat down and settle the issue once and for all. Another form of stonewalling is having a total disregard for your child’s position while ending a conversation. Statements like “we are no longer going to discuss this”. “My decision” is final are examples of stonewalling. In order to fix issues relating to stonewalling, it is important to learn few physiological tricks such as learning the scene and coming back later after few minutes so as to let calm the issue down. Once you are calm your judgement won’t be clouded.

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